I wasn't gonna post about this cuz I for one am sick of talkin' about love and relationships yadda, yadda, yadda. But this is tuggin' at me and I gots to let it out.
I was talking to a (male) friend the other day and of course we got on the topic of relationships and all that good stuff. He's been married twice and the second marriage is on the rocks and will be over in two more years. (He and his soon to be ex wife have decided to stay together in the same household until their son goes off to college..uh huh.. of course I was lookin' at him side-eyed right? Right!)
With all that said..
I asked if he'd get married again. He said yes which totally baffled me cuz I just knew he'd be like nah, he'd had enough. To my surprise, he said he'd definitely get married for the third time but this time he'd pray for the right person. He prayed for wives #1 and #2 but he wasn't specific in his requests (or so he says). God said "write the vision, make it plain". Uh huh..
So, I then asked if he'd consider a long distance relationship and if so how far would he take the commitment. (I know, I know! I am obsessed with hearing folks take on being engaged long distance *eye roll* what-eva!). He said he'd do the long distance thang casually but WOULD NOT take it further. Of course I inquired why.
With a straight face, this fool said "I couldn't do it because I wouldn't be able to see her every day. I wouldn't be able to call her up when I'm horny or just want to feel her. That is too much temptation if she is not readily available to me. Then we'd only see each other three or four times out the month and it definitely depends on the appetite." Yes, he said appetite. Huh? He was for serious too *lol*
So as I sat there biting my tongue, I finally realized that I should be real grateful I'm in a relationship no matter what the challenges cuz we got nigs (he just turned 38) walking round spitting this type of foolery.
I can't and I won't. Can I get some feedback on this one cuz I'm coming up with nothing! Holla at me!
Durty
20 comments:
"durty"...lol, that cracks me up. Well, girl...I don't know what to see, but I kinda feel ol boy...lol. I've tried to do the long distance thing, but sometimes you do just want to see ya boo and just be close to them.
However, if he's a good man and worth that sacrifice and is making plans to bring things together then that's GREAT; patience is indeed a virtue, and if you can be still and KNOW the love is real and lasting then NOTHING will come in your way.
I can see where he would readily admit to being open to marraige a 3rd or 4th or 5th time. The way I see it, some people function better in relationships than being single. His points made being proof positive. They feel safer being married for closeness, sexual exploration, etc. And the apetite he speaks of is real. You know some of us like it lots. He was just being real is all. However, I do feel you on being thankful to be in a relationship. To quote my favorite queen of clean Niecy Nash, "It's just 'foolery'," out in singledom.
Glad you shared and got it off your chest. And I'm back for a second helping of your blog today. *wink* Not that I'm bored stiff, or anything. *lol*
A question before I respond with my thoughts: Just to clarify, you and he are talkin' about a long distance girlfriend-boyfriend thing, right? Not a long distance marriage, right?
Ok, so now I'd be interested in hearing the specifics of why you called him a fool, laughed at his "appetite," and sat biting your tongue. Specifically, what were all those reactions about? I know why I'm shakin' my head at dude, but I was curious as to what you meant.
My dismay is over the fact that in one breath dude goes all pious on us ("Imo really pray this time.."), and with his next inhalation his biggest concern is how frequently he can fornicate with a sista'!!! He wants cake, with extra buttery icing, and then he wants to eat it, too! He got it like that with the Almighty?
@JustME I agree with you.... my LD is worth it at the moment and I'mma rock it til the wheels fall off..until then! Ha!
@PRO thanks for coming back!!! I understand where he comin from I just may not agree with it is all.
@Nupe Yea long distance bf/gf thang that could possibly progress into an engagement but definitely not more than that. I think what got me was the fact that love nor sacrifice came up in his "spiel". I was like umm ok??? Maybe I put too much emphasis on stuff like that but I was just taken aback at how cavalier he was and how open he was about the whole "appetite" thang. I'm like dude you 38, there's gotta be more to your relationships than that right? *shrug* I dunno it just blew me for some reason... lol@ that extra buttery iced cake! Ha!
the question is...can you keep a secret...?
No the question is.. who are you? *blank stare*
You might have to call me a fool too because I can relate to what he said about long distance relationships. Granted, you can't help who you fall for and where they are, but at the same time, I know that I'm a touchy feely kind of person. Not necessarily all about sex, but I miss the hand holding, cuddling, going out. I've seen some work, but its hard for me to understand.
@ON I can relate to what he said as well but I think becuz I'm actually livin and breathin in a LDR, I'm kind of sensitive to it *perhaps*. So let me ask you this, you wouldn't explore a relationship w/ someone you feeling because of the distance? You'd dismiss them right off the bat even if she had everything you were looking for? I said I'd NEVER do LDRs but look at me now.. UGH!
I asked my friends yesterday to name the problems that are exclusive to LD relationships and not relationships period. I don't think I got any answers.
Are expectations for LD relationships unrealistic? Do they set people and those relationships up to fail automatically? Like the person who thinks you shouldn't argue at all or as often because we don't even get to see each other regularly, so why waste time arguing?
To me, an LD relationship - and I've never been in one - is a regular relationship with regular problems, except I'm here and you're there. So just deal with it! Or guess what? Don't get involved in one.
LOL@MRS! My stance is LDRs are like reg relationships for sure. I mean yea we argue but what we argue about are things that relate to the distance or a misinterpretation and/or miscommunication. That happens in reg relationships right? I think the distance just magnifies stuff but in no uncertain terms do I think that every thing should be peachy just cuz we don't see each other on the daily. A good friend of mine (male) dated a girl (they are now married) for 2 years and they lived in the same city but only saw each other on the weekends. He said married life takes a bit of adjustment cuz they see each other every day but other than that its great. Go figure!
I'm gon answer your question to organized noise and say HELL YEAH! Would I dismiss a relationship with someone I was feelin because of the distance? Own have time and I ain't makin time. In-state relationships are hard enough. Danged if I'm gon magnify that trynna make it happen with someone in another state.
I just found my "smell a rat and ain't afraid to speak on it" friend. I just commented on the whole soliciting for an audience thing on ON's blog, but was hesitent because, hell, it's a secret... and I don't want to throw salt in someone's obvious blog game of get down with a blog circle and a reader-base. Okay. Now that I've let the only secret I see out of the bag... I'ma stop cluttering this box with my 3rd presence. *laffs*
LOl@ PRO!!! I also smelled a rat but I didnt provide any comments on it on other folks blogs. I mean I visit people's blogs but I provide real comments.. ok let me just shut up now cuz I'm givin WAY TOO MUCH screen time to this. Keep coming back Pro! You crack me up!
@MRS Ummmm how come I knew you'd say that??? LOL! Even if it was CB??? He wouldn't have stood a chance huh? *sigh*
mornin durty (LOL) seriously, that cracks me up everytime. I was thinking about my comment to this yesterday and wanted to come back and ask if things started off LD or if it's something that developed prior? I think you can do it with God on your sides...that's ALL you need. I pray things go well.
Aww @ JMW LOL! Nope it's been LD since day 1 ya see. *sigh* We've been best friends for the longest time and decided to take thinks a lil further just over 2 years ago. Yea with a lil faith and a lil more patience I'm sure we will make it. *hella sigh*
LMAO@ DURTY you had the same thought I had when I saw that damn secret.. LOL but err whatever..
back to the post at hand.. *finally made my way by actually couldn't seem to get through before*.. but I digress..
i do understand ya boys logic and the whole touchy feely thing.. LOL to me is an excuse.. hell he won't think the chick got temptation too??? anywhoo in LDR if it is meant to be it will be.. I've done them before, and sometimes they worked out for longer periods of times than those right in front of my face!!!! LOL
to each his own..
@ durtymo . . . No, I'm not saying that. Actually, I'm in a situation where I am thinking about pursuing a relationship with someone who is very far away from me. At the same time, I feel that she is worth it.
@BK DIVA Welcome! Right thats my motto, to each its own!!! Shyt don't work out whether it's here or there so... do what u do!
@ON FANTASTIC!! Do it! Do it! Step outside ya box and prove me right! That LDRs can and will work *sigh* I'm depending on u! I got faith!
lol....wow.
this is too funny. glad that you posted this. I had a great laugh and some interesting comments were raised.
I'll be back
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