Thursday, July 19, 2007

Lawd Knows I Need'Ta Shout and Shut Up!

Cuz I don't deserve all these blessings He's given to me! When I think about His goodness and His grace, shoot my feet get'ta tippin, shouldas get'ta rockin cuz Lawd knows...


But..

What do you do when you getting blessed ten fold but it ain't the blessing you've been praying about for the last two years? I'm yet holding on lookin' at God to make a way cuz my resolve ain't what it use to be. Cats I haven't spoken to in years callin' tryna see where I'm at, what I'm doing, who I'm doing, what I wanna do. My first question is why these cats callin' me out the blue? Is God testin' me tryna see what I'm really feelin' like? Does he want to see where I'm at in regards to this particular blessing? Is it even about me? If it ain't about me then what the freak is it about? What I gotta do to make it happen? Huh? Dang!

Then I find myself thinkin' well dang if this ain't happenin' then obviously it ain't for me! Why am I wasting my time? It ain't happenin' cuz it ain't spose to happen right? Why don't I just move on? Walk away!

The devil is a lie and the truth ain't in him!

*huge sigh*

How do you know you're praying for the right thing? God said to be specific in your requests. Ask for what you want! Make it plain! Don't sugacoat it, be real with it! I've been real! I've said what I want! And still today...

NOTHING! No dangling carrot, no steak tied to a stick... NOTHING!

I am in the same position I was drowning in two years ago regarding this one particular thing and just when I think there will be a breakthrough the devils comes in with all his stankin' thinkin' to steal what little joy I have left! The battle ain't mine, I know but this crap is wearing me down!

When will my madness end? And when it ends, will it be in my favor? Life is 99% good but Lord I'm just tryna make 100!









4 comments:

Little Brown Girl said...

I know how you feel Homie! No really I do, I've been here before and funny thing with me is wht I prayed for WAS NOT what God wanted for me. I stayed with a nigg for 7 years, praying for that one thing and when I got it and he finally asked me my life flashed before my eyes and I realized that that wasn't what God wanted nor was it what I wanted. God wasn't making me wait he was keeping me from making a mistake and I found the courage to say NO and walk away...that was tough stuff right there, but it also confirmed that God's will is greater then my desires and I try to remember that now.

But that is my story NOT your's...I say remain patient in the Lord. If you believe strongly in your request then sit tight and wait for God to finish preparing it for you. God will give you the desires of your heart, but in his time. Trust and know that if he gave it to you in your time it wouldn't be half as perfect as it will be when given in His time. Try not to spend so much time thinking about what you want but don't have but instead consider what you have and be thankful for it because some people "No Hash" at all LOL!! *raising my head as one of them*

Anonymous said...

well.. you answered your own question. I say be faithful and continue to pray... I feel ya loud and clear.. cuz wanting and waiting and sighing is dreadful!

Keep your head up & Happy belated!

bf :-)

DurtyMo said...

What's funny RD is I've been in long term relationships. Six years to "Bug" awww and three and a half years to Shan who I eventually married. So, trust me it ain't even about the whole "I wanna be married" it's just CAN WE BE IN THE SAME FREAKIN STATE? DANG! CAN HE MAYBE JUST MAYBE FIND A JOB IN THIS AREA? I MEAN WHAT!?! He has a masters and still can't find shyt. Do you know how frustrating that is???? But you're right, it's all in God's time but I swear that is the biggest and hardest pill I have ever had to swallow!

LOL @ ME NO HASH!

DurtyMo said...

Awww Tash! I know that you know that you know! And I know that YOU of all people know what I'm talkin bout!!!! You are such an awesome friend *sigh*